Post by Robert "The Omega" Main on Dec 4, 2018 20:10:54 GMT -8
“So, let me get this straight, you are going to fly to Australia with nothing else but a book bag?”
Drew proceeds with gazing out the window of the Uber XL
Drew: “Uh….. yeah Bobby. Carry on… The bag fees are a complete rip off”
“What do you have in there it looks like it weighs a ton?”
Drew remains motionless then without warning snaps his head around
Drew: “Robin let’s go to that Chinese buffet before we head to the airport…. We’ve got like six hours to burn until we even need to check in.”
Robert raises his eyebrows then leers down at his silver TAG watch
“Drew you sure about going to a Chinese buffet then getting on a flight that lengthy? Remember what happened last time you had Chinese food? You nearly took a dump in the lobby.”
Drew: “Bob-o that was an isolated incident. I’ve got an iron stomach, I bet I could drink battery acid, point being I’m starving! Yo Uber guy take us to that Chinese buffet by the airport.”
"Uber Driver: “Which one there are several?”
Drew: “Did I just detect sass in your voice? Better lower the base. Don’t make me….” (Robert interjects)
“Think he’s talking about Ho Lee Fuk.”
Drew: “What happened? You said holy Fu….
“Just never mind Drew.”
Drew: “10-4 Hoss. I bet it was a chick with big knockers. Oh, how I love boobies! Hey Robertino, honest question.”
“Okay shoot!”
Drew: “Have you ever tried cum-from-some-young-guy? I’ve heard rumblings that you have.”
Drew and the Uber driver both expressing their amusement while Robert shakes his head
“I’m not sure that I’ve missed this..”
Drew: “Lighten up Roberto I’ve been in the hospital for months. I felt like a prisoner laying there in a coma and all. You know I could hear everything going on around me? They had the nerve to say that I was clinically insane! Me of all people! Can you believe that?”
Robert grins
“I couldn’t imagine why they would think such a thing!”
******A Few Minutes Pass******
Drew: “And that’s why you should always go to a strip club with a few packets of sugar in your pocket. Next time you are out to eat grab a few, they come with your meal. If you’re going lower calories grab the pink ones. Anyway, point being get a lap dance from a pregnant stripper! Ask for the special. Tell um Drew sent you!”
Robert watches as all the cheerfulness leaves the Uber drivers face becoming a look of horror as Drew kicks the door open with his foot.
“Really? The special? You just had to go, there didn’t you?”
Drew: “Robertus you have to try it. At least once! That sour breast milk and the sugar on the nipples. (Drew acts if his mind was blown placing his hands on the sides of his head making an exploding sound and motion) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I was in heaven, I could have died right there a happy man. It tasted like sour patch kids. I swear to God.”
Robert’s face morphs through few shades of green
“Not for me man.”
Drew: “Robertas don’t knock it until you try it! Let’s eat!”
“Jesus this place is packed out! Maybe we should hit something else instead? Indian food?”
Drew sneers
Drew: “Know the problem with Indian food?”
“What?”
Drew: “They don’t know how to cook it. They say people is starving over there… No….. They have food they just can’t cook it. Last time I ate the stuff, it was so freaking hot I screamed at the table. Then the waiter had the audacity to ask me if I needed some water and if I was alright. Really? No, I always just howl at the top of my lungs while I eat. What a jackass. We are eating here!”
“Drew you get on that plane and have to shit I don’t want to hear it.”
Drew: “I would hope you’d have more faith in me. If I do, I’ll do what Aaron Rodgers agent said. I’ll meditate and make it go away.”
“You know that’s a commercial?”
Drew: “If I can’t believe television, then what can I believe?”
Robert and Drew stop as the hostess expeditiously welcomes them
Hostess: “Hellow welcome to Ho Lee Fuk.”
Drew: “Why is everyone saying Holy Fuc……?”
“It’s the name of the place.”
Drew: “Really? I bet the food is killer. It has to be if you name your place of business Holy Fuc……”
Hostess: “How many?”
Drew and Robert look over their shoulders seeing no one is behind them. Drew shoots the hostess an odd confused look why she asked the question. He then motions two by raising his hand and showing two fingers.
Hostess: “This way”
(In a lower than normal voice)Drew: “Usually these chicks are fire ass hot, the jury is still out on this one. Luckily, she understood how many. The only other sign language I know is the bird! Plus I don’t speak Portuguese.”
Robert shakes his head a Drew’s comment giving the buffet a once-over as he and Drew took their seats in a booth closest to buffet. He noticed an older couple slowly picking away at their plates sitting side by side. They have probably done this for years now. They each had one glass of rice wine, studiously bent over their plates nibbling away. A group of young women out for a bridal shower are collapsing with helpless giggles just behind them as a no-nonsense woman dining alone nearby gawked on and grimace.
Hostess: “What to drink!”
“I’ll have hot tea.”
Drew: “I’ll have a hillbilly Jager-bomb!” (smiling)
Hostess: “I don’t understand? What a hillbilly Jager-bomb?”
Drew places one hand on his forehead shaking his head in disbelief
(Pointing) Drew: “Must be a language barrier. Okay just bring me a shot glass with Mountain Dew in it and a glass of beer kay!”
“What the hell is a hillbilly Jager-bomb?”
Drew: “Oh, it’s a thing you’ll see.”
“That’s the problem!”
Drew: “So that 85-pound drug addicted pick Engy is Champion huh? (Robert nods) Man the place has gone to shit since I went under. Funny the things you find out coming out of a coma. The guy looks like he is right out of Schindler's list. Why doesn’t this ass hole find a freaking sandwich? This is as Donald Trump would say uge! (Robert sticks his nose up for a moment) What?”
“You know I’m not entirely sure, I’m not saying that the man isn’t flashy, all I’m trying to point out here is he isn’t great. But that right there might just be a matter of opinion. I loathe this next name, hell I hate to even mention the name but if he believes beating the Chris Chaos’s of the world (Drew’s upper lip quivers) makes him as extraordinary as he says, or the Peter Gilmour’s? (Drew motions like he is going to vomit) what can make Dexter Bright incredible? You know heads and shoulders above the rest. (Drew shrugs his shoulders mouthing I don’t know) One name, Robert Main, sure the man has gone on to snatch up some records along the way, hell he’s even done somethings no one else has ever been able to accomplish. He deserves a feather in his cap, he really does. The problem though is Mr. Bright was not he only one setting the place on fire. I was too, how quickly people forget “The Omega” sweeping everything I accomplished under the rug. I took care of freaking business, I won’t tell him that he sucks as he put it. Or I won’t tell the man that he doesn’t deserve what he has draped over his shoulder, sitting in his refrigerator or on a stack of discount clothes from Wal-Mart. (Drew’s ears perk up when he hears Wally World) What?”
Drew: “Nothin love that place. Deep discounts Rodebrecht! Oh, look our drinks!”
The hostess set’s the shot glass filled to the rim with Mountain Dew in front of Drew then his tall draft beer. At breakneck speed Drew reaches out snatching the shot glass then dropping it into his beer splashing the mixture all over the table as the hostess and Robert engage in awkward eye to eye moment, without hesitation Drew screeches like a banshee.
Drew: “HILLBILLY JAGER-BOMB. WHOOOOOOOOOO YEAHHHHHH DOWN THE HATCH BITCH!”
GULP……
GULP……
GULP……
Drew bashes the glass down on the table with force now getting a load of the entire restaurant staring at him
Drew: “What? It’s so quite you could hear a mouse piss on cotton!”
Hostess: “What you have to eat?”
“Robert two buffets!”
Drew: “I’ll have another hillbilly Jager-bomb. Know what just keep them coming! Gracias!“
The hostess gives Drew an extraordinarily dirty look before wandering away briskly
Drew: “I think she is into me Robertson.”
“No!”
Drew: “What you mean?”
“Your shitting me, right? She’s Chinese Drew. You spoke to her in Spanish! Nothing like insulting an entire culture!”
Drew: “Same thing! You say tomato I say tomato! Let’s eat!”
“You are going to regret all these drinks in a few hours!”
Drew: “I’ll be fine!”
********************************Four Hours Later************************************
Drew: “Let’s go back to what you were saying about Engy! You honestly think he is trying to brainwash you into believing he is, what did he call it? “Engy Good?” Or is he just trying to sway his own thinking? He keeps pushing how sensational he is supposed to be!” (Drew burps with a mouth full of spare rib)
“I’m not sure Drew but you have a valid point! How man spare ribs can you eat?”
Drew: “Look Ropars, this is the point in all you can eat. What I don’t get with Engy is you have never been a man that has lacked confidence, in fact your determination seems to be boundless, Robuś you are as fearless as they come with a chip on both your shoulders to boot. One thing I’ve noticed, when Dexter steps inside the batter’s box he becomes reckless. He’s a man who becomes irritated when he gets distraught from there he becomes more and more irrational by the second. Thing is our Champion loses his composure. The further down the rabbit hole we go the more unbalanced he becomes. Followed by unreasonable, psychotic, unhinged, senseless. You get the picture. (Drew stops chewing for a split second) I just described myself….”
Robert didn’t speak he just sat there going over what Drew just said. If Robert had accepted catastrophe in his life, it never showed. Everything from the way he held himself, to the way he expressed himself, to his look of indisputable faith in himself. His eyes told the talk they spoke volumes saying he could do anything.
“There are times you flabbergast me by what you say.”
Drew: “Lot’s going on up there!”
“Engy has had one hell of a run and I applauded him for it. But this monarchy, this record setting, unpresented, Godly time frame has never been in peril, not one damn time. Engy is living in a “House Of Cards”! One I’m going to knock to the ground. I mean sure these half-witted ass hats have been giving there all out there against him. But what has that amounted to? Dick, squat, nota, nothing, zilch! The metal of man must be tested from time to time or he leaves behind what’s in front of him. He’s living a life of mediocracy. Engy is middle-of-the-road, the flavor of the month, run-of-the-mill, average at best and I’m going to demonstrate that very point in the ring. It bothers him, whether he’d ever admit to it or not, that I am the only one to ever come close to putting him down. He’s knows he cannot and will not impose his will on me. There is no steam-rolling or trouncing me. It was skin of the teeth. He stole three seconds that’s it! Maybe he will come out and stomp my teeth down my throat, who knows? I seriously doubt it though.
The XWF’s misfortune is simple. It’s been stagnated for far too long now. This company needs a serious injection of life. Not the kind ENGY injects either. I am the man who can bring forward that change, I’m the one who can turn it all around. Look around! (Drew looks around the buffet) No dick I mean look around the XWF the braves are away. There are no King’s or Dark Warriors anymore. These are men that built this company from the ground up. I might have my differences with them all. But I respect them and everything they did for the business. Those men are the men we need now more than ever before. Dexter Bright is not one of these men. Not by a long shot. I’m the one nobody will ever see coming, and that’s what I want! Our Champion needs something more than a normal man.”
Drew: “Be right back they brought out more spare ribs.” (Robert motions for Drew to listen as he stands up) What?”
“Drew the owner is out here watching you now, and he looks pissed. You’ve eaten at least a few pounds of ribs man.”
Drew: “I want to get my money’s worth.”
“Drew I’m fucking paying.”
Drew: “Jesus okay excuse me… I want you to get your money’s worth? Happy? It’s all you can eat right? (Robert sighs) Then I’m going to eat all I can!”
Owner: Son of a bitch still here!
As Drew grabs a fresh plate piling the spare ribs as high as he can as the owner watches even more upset then previously. As Drew plops back down into the booth the owner moves closer.
Owner: Four hour now! How eat this much?
The owner stomps his foot on the floor as Robert and Drew both look in his direction from their booth. The owner shakes his fist at them.
“He’s so pissed off I can hear him bitching about you. You’ve had a ton of hillbilly Jager-bombs and ribs man why not call it quits? You are going to have a miserable flight, I don’t want to hear bitching the whole way there.”
Drew: “That guys just being rude! He come out every hour. What a dick ya know? We’ve only been here four hours. What’s the big deal? He bet on the wrong horse today! Bobby Chinese food really should not be all you can eat. You just get hungry again, I’m not sure what it is, but I do anyway. You go from full to hungry and there is no in-between. Us being here this long is their fault to be honest. They shouldn’t put shit in it to make people hungry! Oh look they brought out cabbage rolls be right back!
Owner: Look he go again!
The Owner is pacing back and forth now with his hands on his hips shaking his head in disgust. He stops dead in his tracks as Drew gets up once more. Drew plops down with a massive plate of cabbage rolls and begins munching away before pausing.
Drew: “Shit need sweet and sour! Be right back!”
The Owner stops Drew before he can leave the booth and begins screaming at him
Owner: Here you money! You go now! (Pointing at the door) You here four hour! Why you here four hour. You no come here anymore. You eat like pig, scare my customer, my kids, you go now!
Drew pushes past the owner grabbing another plate smiling and waving as he puts a heaping amount of crab rangoonon his plate. The owner shakes his fist at Robert.
“Da fuck I do?”
The owner storms off into the kitchen. Robert can hear a loud commotion as Drew sits back down taking another of spare rib with a monstrous gulp of beer. Robert stares at the crab Rangoon for a moment.
Drew: Go ahead Bob! You know you want it!”
Robert reaches out grabbing one dipping it in sweet and sour
“This shit is too good to pass up.”
A few seconds pass and the Owner storms out of the kitchen pointing towards Robert’s and Drews booth. Robert watches as a very large human who looks like Genghis Khan approaches with a meat cleaver in his hand. Robert continues chewing his crab Rangoon and grabbing another dipping it again in sweet and sour.
“Oh, shit here we go.”
Drew: “What? (Drew looks up with a cabbage roll in hand) Oh……….. Hey buddie glad you’re out here, you guys are running low on spare ribs and cabbage rolls. And would it kill you to get some more dipping sauce out here?”
The Chef grumbles with a voice that sounded like he ate gravel
Chef: Yooooou Ahhhh. Yoooooouuuuuu Ahhhhh eat like freeeeeelly!
Robert and Drew look at one another puzzled and continue eating
Drew: “What?”
Chef: Yoooooou Ahhh eat like freeeeeeeellllyyy!!!!
Drew: “Bob what in the blue hell is Mr. Miyagi saying here? You versed in this translation shit?”
“How in the hell am I supposed to know what he’s mumbling? I didn’t know I’d be playing a weird game of Chinese charades today!”
Drew: “OHIO! Wax on wax off!”
Chef: Freeeeelllllllyyyyyy, freeeeellllllllyyyy, freeeellllllly, freeeelllllllyyyy!
Drew: “Wheel Of Fortune!!! Can I buy a vowel?
Chef: Frrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Drew: “I’d like to buy an A.”
The chef smacks the cabbage roll out of Drews hand smashing the meat cleaver down onto the table top. Drew opens his book bag pulling out a brick slamming it down onto the table!
Drew: “This isn’t brick city bitch! That’s a redneck throwing star! Don’t think I won’t chuck it! I’ll take the governor off that fucker!”
“Drew why in the hell do you have a brick?”
The chef grabs Drew by the shirt collar lifting him out of the booth
Chef: Frrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Drew: “Oh, Bob he’s saying Free Willy! (looking down at Robert) Why didn’t you just say so! Listen sensei let go of me, let me finish, get the fortune cookies and the check for Bobby here and we’ll leave. If not and you decide to not listen to this warning. I took discount Karate, I’m not just some dumb dick, I’m about to drop the landing gear on your ass. You want to meet a word called mayhem?”
Owner: Here check and cookies pay and go now! Never come back here!
The Chef growls tossing Drew back into the booth.
Drew: “I’m finishing this plate damn it!”
Robert hands the owner a hundred-dollar bill swiping the fortune cookie off the table snickering.
“Drew I’m going outside to smoke. Eat that shit and get your ass outside we’ve got to fly out soon! One more for the road.”
Robert snatches one more crab Rangoon from Drew’s plate popping it into his mouth heading towards the door.
*******************Outside*******************
Robert is standing in-between Ho Lee Fuk and another adjacent building, he has one foot posted up against the brick wall the other firmly planted on the ground. Robert lights is cigar gradually squinting his eyes deliberating next week. He draws in the vanilla flavored smoke cradling the smolder cigar between his index finger and middle finger. Robert lowers his arm for a second eyeballing the street keeping his eyes peeled for Drew, when he detects the wall behind him. The wall is red-clay brick, the color shifting from brick to brick there was burgundy, copper and amber bricks spread about as if it were done on purpose. Each brick had lived a full life of their own, locked forever in time. On a radiant sunlit day each felt warm to the touch, dry and gritty beneath each fingertip. Each one had a certain jaggedness that prompted Robert to think of rock climbing. The mortar has been there for decades, imprisoning each brick together, they withstood any meteorological conditions. Robert places the cigar between his teeth reaching into his pocket removing the fortune cookie as he speaks.
“Here is an amusing little tale about these fortune cookies. These insufficient pocket-sized things look Chinese, hell they sound Chinese…. But low and behold these dinky cookies are actually an American invention. Which is why they are hallow and full of deceitfulness, they leave a bad taste in your mouth much like our Universal Champion!”
Robert wraps his fingers around the cookie making a fist crushing it. He examines the cookie as he opens his hand dropping millions of pieces of stale cookie to the ground.
“Just like that! The cookie crumbled! See everyone creates the very thing they dread the most, men of peace created engines of war, invaders created vindicators. Upon this Championship I will build my church and just like that. (Robert snaps) the world will be made clean for the new man to rebuild all that was lost. This will be peace in my time, can’t you see the beauty in it all Engy? You have risen, just to fall at my feet, and fall you most certainly will.”
Robert pats his hands together dusting off the remaining cookie crumbs sending them crashing down to the pavement below.
“Dexter, I have never had to call myself the best in the world, I’ve always said it was beneath me. I have on many occasions said I was a cut above the rest, but best in the world never. Others have always said that for me, the fans, the boys in the back. I’ve never needed a fancy T-shirt, or action figure, the only thing I’ve ever needed was a platform to speak on and a ring to perform in. I am a different breed of human, and sure bourbon man leak from me cuts but I’m still top tier and better than the rest. I’m a man who is a last of a vanishing breed! For years I toured the world honing my craft, making little to nothing. I slept on the streets, I ate what I could get my hands on. For years I had nothing much like yourself. I learned all my skills the hard way, I became a star through hard work and dedication. You and I are not so different. I am cut from a cloth that was given nothing at all and took everything that I could get my hands on. I’m a maverick, that decided to not follow the system, I went against the grain. Now look at me, I’ve become something more than anyone would have ever thought. Kind of like you Engy!
Champ I know how “good” you are there is no denying it and I won’t try too. The people in the seats know how “good” you are, the long list of men and women pinned to the canvas know how “good” you are. Engineer your words scream ascendancy but your demeaner and inflection in your voice screams inadequacy. You look at me and see a man who emerged from the same shadows, cut from the same cloth we came from the same places besides the crack houses and killing. The mind-boggler is you are becoming apprehensive that Robert Main might just be the one to overcome everything you did, dare I say surpass everything you ever accomplished erasing your history altogether. We all know you’ve dismantled legends, but deep down you know you’ll never soar to the heights I will. Everything that you have been doing has been nothing more than window dressing, bait and switch, smoke and merroirs! Once I am Champion they will forget you ever existed. The name Dexter Bright will slowly decay over time fading away, vanishing! Engy you will become nothing more than extinct!
Once you signed on that dotted line you placed one foot into an early grave. You are not at the end of your rope. After this match is all said and done I will make sure that you ceasing to exist. Your name will be on its last legs, your legend at death's door. To become Universal Champion Engy, I don’t need all the pyro in the world to come down to the ring. I’ve never needed a fancy entrance, props or anything else. All I’ve even needed way the opportunity, a chance of a life time, you and I in a ring with that Championship on the line could make history. Take all these ingredients, throw them in a pot, and we might just have the greatest Championship match in XWF history. So, go on your “My name is Earl” tour and tell the world you are sorry. Better do it now, while you still can because you just never know what can happen to ya. I’ll see you real soon Cham!”
CRASH
“What the hell was that?”
Drew runs around the corner in a full sprint towards Robert.
Drew: “Run Bob, head to the car!”
“We took an Uber dumb ass!”
Drew: “Run. I decided to toss a bunch of food in my book bag on the way out!”
“Are you shitting me right now? I’m in a dead sprint to I don’t know where because you took more food? What was that noise it sounded like shattered glass?”
Drew: “Oh it was the owner shot at me with a 12 gauge shotgun!”
To be continued