Post by Robert "The Omega" Main on Dec 4, 2018 23:25:13 GMT -8
Continued From Ho Lee Fuk
” Did you see Engy got Neil Degrasse?”
”Big deal! He isn’t that great!”
Drew sticks his nose up in the air
”Dudes a fucking genius.. He’s interesting, I listen to him whenever I get the chance. He’s wrong though! It’s no wonder everyone hangs on every word of Engy’s. He’s talked so much garbage people’s minds are full of trash.”
”One call Bobby and we could had Bill Nye the science guy! Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill! God that song is great!”
Robert chuckles
” By the way did you really take discount Karate?”
”Bob have I ever told a lie? I’m like honest Abe over here. I could teach you a few moves going into this match with Engy. Take one finger stick it in the corner of that fucker’s mouth and start tugging. Fish hook his ass. He’ll tap I swear to God he will!”
”Okay……… But what happened to Discount…………”
”Listen what happened with discount Karate was a tragic thing.. But it all worked out in the end. At first, it was called discount Karate, they got sued because some dick named Johnny got kicked in the throat. It’s called blocking John boy! Anyway, they lost the court case, so they merged with Dairy Queen. Once the merger happened we were called Taekwon DQ. From that point forward you could order then get your ass beat at the window and have a brass knuckle blizzard to go!”
Robert scratches his chin through his beard when Drew’s eyes grow as wide as silver dollars
”What?”
Drew clutches his stomach
” You’ve got to shit, don’t you? I told you not to eat all that shit at Ho Lee Fuk!”
”I’m fine Bob. Just gas! Like I said I have an iron stomach! Speaking of we need to keep moving I just crop dusted everyone behind us.”
Robert shakes his head
”Engy you are one of the most unbelievably childish pussies I’ve ever seen, tell me how a man in his late 30’s be so terrified to admit his own bull shit. You’re just a dishonest cowardly ass hole! You do the same damn thing week in and week out. You throw it in my face that I refuse to listen and then you go and do the same shit. You do minimal research you don’t pay attention to the words that leave my mouth pay attention mother fucker and you might learn a thing or two. You pop off with that dick sucking lips with no accuracy what so ever. But don’t worry soon those words you’ll inevitably eat. You're pathetic. I don’t need to throw a bag of sugar on anything I say. I speak the truth and it comes from my heart, no need to sugar coat or deceive. People fear you here. I am not one of those people. You don’t even make the top 5 of opponents that make me anxious, you're on the lengthy list of cavalier, overconfident, pompous dickhead’s who aggravate me to no end! I’m honestly looking forward to handing you your cancer-riddled ass. You’re no Champion, King or anything in between, you my friend are a wooden nickel. A counterfeit, a double-dealing charlatan. Let me dumb that statement down you’re a phony. You’re not shit! Fuck everything that you have done, you know goddamn well I'm better than you. You and I both know you fear Robert “The Omega” Main for all the right reasons. Come Warfare I will not rest until I have bludgeoned every ounce of will from your body!
Robert glances towards TSA security
”When we get up here please just let TSA do their job! We’ve got to be on this flight Drew. No funny business.”
Drew acts taken back
”As long as there is no grab assing I’ll be just fine.”
The airport was like a sea of faces moving in a current, flowing like water to each of their destinations like a wide river down the aisles. There were 4K television screens of arrival and departure times on the wall of the airport. People were lined up at the check-in desk with their suitcases over packed and willing to pay the price. In the arrivals lounge, there was a curious mixture of disinterested and enthusiastic people. Some looked like they were waiting for a bus, others like they were children waiting on Christmas morning.
TSA Agent: Please place shoes, bookbags, wallets, purses or any metal items such a jewelry and all electronics on the conveyor and step through.
Robert places his wallet cell phone, watch and shoes on the conveyor belt as he is motioned to step through the metal detector. He grabs his grey tray placing his cell phone back inside his pocket, his watch on his left wrist when he can hear pandemonium. Robert ogles in Drew’s direction placing his wallet in his back pocket and now observes that Drew is visibly distraught about something in his bookbag.
TSA Agent: Sir you cannot take this on the flight!
”I need it. It’s for emotional support!”
”What’s the issue Drew?”
”Bob they won’t let me take it?”
”Take what?”
TSA Agent: This!
The agent plops a brick down on the metal table. Robert shoots Drew an angered look noticing there is now a white painted face on the brick
”Drew you can’t take a brick on a plane, secondly where in the hell did the face come from? Is this the same brick from the Ho Lee Fuk?”
”Bob the face was always there. You just didn’t see it at the buffet. It was face down!”
Drew cracks up to himself at the joke but realizes no one else is laughing
”Drew you can’t.”
”What’s the worst thing that can happen? I have to take Bilson…”
” Uh.. Let’s see you could accidentally hit someone with it! The brick has a name now?”
” Bob I chuck this fucker it won’t be an accident! I’m thinking of filling it with mercury! Its name is Bilson, by the way, Robert and he must go with me? Look at Tom Hanks, his ball helped him through some tough times true story.”
”That was a fucking movie not a documentary. I can’t believe I’m arguing over a freaking brick with a painted face on it in an airport. Look I’m going to the terminal. You figure this shit out. If you are not there by the time we get on the plane I will leave without you.
”I’ll catch up Bob. And that was real life. Tom Hanks is the man. He was in a war to Bob. Oh, and he also caught a guy making counterfeit checks….. And landed a plane in a river. The man deserves a medal for Christ sakes!”
”Those are all movies dick head!”
****Terminal****
”Dexter I am a man who is designed to find it laughable when a man like you starts whining. So, you have a brain tumor huh? Here’s a quarter, call someone who gives a shit! Would you like me and the rest of the world to just give you a pass? Want easy street? Do you want me to feel sorry for you? I don’t, I won’t I refuse! Let’s stop the sniveling like a bitch and let go of the crutch. Face the fact’s Champ your coming up with excuses. Here’s the thing a huge difference between who you are and who I am. I won’t make an excuse. If you do defeat me… I’ll admit to it. I say Dexter Bright thrash my ass. If being true to myself means, I’ll lose popularity then so be it. I refuse to sell out and conform to something I’m not. I was raised to keep my feelings, thoughts and words consistent. If I start censoring my heart what in the hell is my reason for living life? I’ve never needed anyone’s approval to validate any of my positions, I’ll never care if I am excepted either Dexter. I’ve been attacked from behind so many times now so people like you could silence my vision. Time and time again they have tried to kill me with fire, each time I’ve risen from the ashes stronger more capable than before. I don’t tire I get driven.
You are a man never moving forward, you sit there stuck in limbo. For years I was told I wasn't built for fame, each person ignored that I had something great. People have been hating on Robert Main since day one and honestly, it’s been underwhelming, I’ve become conditioned for all this abuse. I am a man wrestling with a purpose, I’m the kind of man you are not accustomed to. I’m a man who makes you nervous. I am a man who doesn’t like calm seas. Why you might ask? It takes stormy weather to make a skilled sailor. I’ve navigated my way through the XWF and not one second has been smooth sailing. I’ve always come out on the other side at times I’ve been battered beaten and bruised, but I’ve always survived. There is nothing that you can throw my way that I haven’t seen before. What I’m doing takes balls. I’m the man who will walk right out into the center of the ring and dare you to do something. Engy, I am coming to undo every single bit of work that you did. I’ve used the blood, sweat and tears of my enemies to build my brand. I’m a person that isn’t afraid of the scrutiny, I don’t run from the truth and through that there is immunity.”
Robert smiles thinking of something Dexter said about Jim Caedus
”You know Champ I listen to your promos and I keep hearing you bring up one name! Jim. You like to name drop….. A LOT! But here’s the thing nimrod, I hate to give a history lesson but, in this case, I just need to clear the air. Before you ever thought about being a wrestler on a wild night in a crack den. Back when Jim Caedus was kicking asses and taking names on one hell of a run as Television Champion. Guess who faced him? That’s right.. Me… Guess who was the first man to beat the unstoppable Jim Caedus?
Robert points to himself
”Yeah buddy that was me. So, before you get all high and mighty about beating Jimmy. Remember one thing, I was the first, number one, that was scorched Earth long before The Engineer ever got there. I did that! So, do us all a favor and just stop. I just rained on your parade! You’ve been name-dropping the man for months now. He’s gone, never coming back. Dead! It’s time to let it go. That name once meant something now it’s nothing more than a name. History. It hurts me to say that, Jim and I rode together, we were friends, and I do miss the good times. But here you are acting like the two of you were intimate lovers or some shit. Take the ghost of Jim’s dick out of your mouth Jesus! It’s nauseating. You beat Jim once I’ll give you that. The second time Dexter…. Jim beat himself, the man had a mental breakdown. So, if you want to hang your hat on beating Jim Caedus go ahead but nowadays that doesn’t mean a God Damn Thing! I beat Jim, I beat Jim. Hey everybody look at me. Hey, did I tell you I beat Jim? Shut the fuck up. Jim doesn’t deserve some jackass riding his coattails. I beat Jim too Engy but I’ve never shouted it from a rooftop hoping someone will hear it. What you need to worry about is the right now and trying to beating me!
You want the world to believe that the XWF is and has been yours. Again, who are you trying to prove this to? Me? Or yourself? You have beaten me Engy sure. You were the first and last man to pin “The Omega” to the canvas. Now here I stand once more, with an insurance policy in hand. I’m sorry that your second-grade education cannot understand what I’m saying. I do like to use big words, but soon I won’t have too. I’ll use my god given talent in the ring to get my point across when I’m clobbering you like a cheap piñata. Then you act like I’m not listening to you. I have been Engy. I’ve just been trying to come up with a way for you to listen to me. You Know dumb it down a bit. I don’t bring things you say up because it isn’t relevant to our match. You have cancer okay we get that too! It’s the rinse and repeat with you. I beat Jim! I have cancer! I’m a loser, I was a drug addict! Do I need to respond to everything that you say? That’s not my style. I don’t use others promos word by word and dissect them. I don’t need to, I can come up with my own talking points and original content all on my own. You’ll never see me cut parts of someone else’s promo and add it to mine. That’s just lazy. Thanks for the air time though. You just use word salad 98% of the time hoping anything will just stick. You can throw all the darts you’d like at me, none of them are hitting their intended target. See what you are doing here is getting out ahead of this loss. You are trying to save a legacy I’m going to dash in an instant. You want the world to know I didn’t beat you cancer did. Smart move? I don’t see it that way. I can hear it now, I was too weak, I was too weak to beat Robert Main at his best! Maybe you should get into politics. You’re just a coward unwilling to admit defeat. You need justification. I need three seconds of time.”
*****Mid Flight*****
”I can’t believe they let you on this flight with a fucking brick! A brick! I can’t even bring 4oz of shampoo and you can bring a brick!”
”I’m a good talker Bob. Plus, I said I was offended and bam right through! Oh, look our midflight meal! I’m starving!
The two watches as the food trays are sat in front of them. The airplane food must have been brainstormed by some low-grade catering school degenerate who scrapped through with a D- average, accepted by some cooperate executive who only cares about the almighty dollar. If Robert could have described in detail his food as starvation rations. The meal stared at him as he stared at it. Robert glanced over the description of the meal once more shaking his head. He looks to his left seeing Drew is again eating.
”How in the hell you eating again?
”Hungry again Bob”
*****An Hour Later*****
Drew nudges Robert with his elbow
”Bob I’m about to explode! It’s going to be a photo finish! I don’t think I can hold my mud anymore. I tried meditating! It didn’t work! God Damn Aaron Rodgers agent lied! I’m carrying low, Robert! Oh shit, I’ve got to go now!
Drew abruptly gets up holding his ass cheeks together with his hands and begins duck walking towards the bathroom. Robert watches laughing
”Told you!”
*****45 minutes’ Later*****
A line begins forming at the bathroom door. Suddenly Drew appears with a concerned look on his face sitting down next to Robert.
”They really need to work on those restrooms! I like to get a wide stance in there and give enough thrust my feet can leave the floor. I didn’t have room for it in there. I did however shat splatter the whole restroom. It looks like someone took a paintbrush dipped it in hot fudge and flung it on the walls. I now know what a woman goes through giving birth!
Robert places his hand on his head sighing then here’s a woman gagging
Woman: It smells like a fat kid ate 20 boiled eggs and took a shit in a hot pool!
Man: God it smells like someone turned on a crock pot filled it with clam chowder and a roll of dirty panties!
Man: It smells like Predator’s dreadlocks!
Drew lowers himself in his seat as Robert begins laughing
Woman: I’m going to puke! Jesus H Christ, it smells like someone ate too much Sizzler and had diarrhea in a sauna!
Drew stands up getting emotional support brick out of the overhead storage looking around noticing everyone has Mountain Dew.
”Mountain Dew?”
”That’s all they had man… Sit down!
Drew reacts like a bolt of lightning hit him in the head becoming triggered
”That’s it the Mountain Dew is what made sick. It gave me the shits. Ho Lee Fuk’s Dew gave me the trots. What if it’s all Dew Bob? These people need to stop drinking it! Before the whole plane gets the shits!
”Drew did you ever think it was all the Chinese food you kept eating? Oh, and beer? This happened last time you ate Chinese food! Sit down!
”It’s the Dew. I have to save these people from the impending doom. Imagine a flight with stink pickles laying all over the place I can’t let this happen, Bob! I have to save them!
”Drew….. God damn it Drew!
Robert sees Drew staring at his brick. Before Robert can reach out Drew throws the brick striking the flight attendant hitting her upside the head knocking her to the floor of the plane! Drew rushes over knocking the cart of beverages over screaming
”No more mother fucking Mountain Dew on this mother fucking plane!
An air marshal knocks Drew to the floor placing the taser gun to his neck. Drew continues flopping around like a fish as the marshal pulls the trigger allowing Drew to ride the lighting.
”Ugh…… Welcome back Drew!
Samuel L Jackson: Damn these white people!
*****Static*****
”You want my respect Engineer? Earn it.. I can’t force you to respect me, but I can beat your ass! Warfare your Championship run ends. Death by a Thousand Cuts! See you soon prick!
” Did you see Engy got Neil Degrasse?”
”Big deal! He isn’t that great!”
Drew sticks his nose up in the air
”Dudes a fucking genius.. He’s interesting, I listen to him whenever I get the chance. He’s wrong though! It’s no wonder everyone hangs on every word of Engy’s. He’s talked so much garbage people’s minds are full of trash.”
”One call Bobby and we could had Bill Nye the science guy! Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill! God that song is great!”
Robert chuckles
” By the way did you really take discount Karate?”
”Bob have I ever told a lie? I’m like honest Abe over here. I could teach you a few moves going into this match with Engy. Take one finger stick it in the corner of that fucker’s mouth and start tugging. Fish hook his ass. He’ll tap I swear to God he will!”
”Okay……… But what happened to Discount…………”
”Listen what happened with discount Karate was a tragic thing.. But it all worked out in the end. At first, it was called discount Karate, they got sued because some dick named Johnny got kicked in the throat. It’s called blocking John boy! Anyway, they lost the court case, so they merged with Dairy Queen. Once the merger happened we were called Taekwon DQ. From that point forward you could order then get your ass beat at the window and have a brass knuckle blizzard to go!”
Robert scratches his chin through his beard when Drew’s eyes grow as wide as silver dollars
”What?”
Drew clutches his stomach
” You’ve got to shit, don’t you? I told you not to eat all that shit at Ho Lee Fuk!”
”I’m fine Bob. Just gas! Like I said I have an iron stomach! Speaking of we need to keep moving I just crop dusted everyone behind us.”
Robert shakes his head
”Engy you are one of the most unbelievably childish pussies I’ve ever seen, tell me how a man in his late 30’s be so terrified to admit his own bull shit. You’re just a dishonest cowardly ass hole! You do the same damn thing week in and week out. You throw it in my face that I refuse to listen and then you go and do the same shit. You do minimal research you don’t pay attention to the words that leave my mouth pay attention mother fucker and you might learn a thing or two. You pop off with that dick sucking lips with no accuracy what so ever. But don’t worry soon those words you’ll inevitably eat. You're pathetic. I don’t need to throw a bag of sugar on anything I say. I speak the truth and it comes from my heart, no need to sugar coat or deceive. People fear you here. I am not one of those people. You don’t even make the top 5 of opponents that make me anxious, you're on the lengthy list of cavalier, overconfident, pompous dickhead’s who aggravate me to no end! I’m honestly looking forward to handing you your cancer-riddled ass. You’re no Champion, King or anything in between, you my friend are a wooden nickel. A counterfeit, a double-dealing charlatan. Let me dumb that statement down you’re a phony. You’re not shit! Fuck everything that you have done, you know goddamn well I'm better than you. You and I both know you fear Robert “The Omega” Main for all the right reasons. Come Warfare I will not rest until I have bludgeoned every ounce of will from your body!
Robert glances towards TSA security
”When we get up here please just let TSA do their job! We’ve got to be on this flight Drew. No funny business.”
Drew acts taken back
”As long as there is no grab assing I’ll be just fine.”
The airport was like a sea of faces moving in a current, flowing like water to each of their destinations like a wide river down the aisles. There were 4K television screens of arrival and departure times on the wall of the airport. People were lined up at the check-in desk with their suitcases over packed and willing to pay the price. In the arrivals lounge, there was a curious mixture of disinterested and enthusiastic people. Some looked like they were waiting for a bus, others like they were children waiting on Christmas morning.
TSA Agent: Please place shoes, bookbags, wallets, purses or any metal items such a jewelry and all electronics on the conveyor and step through.
Robert places his wallet cell phone, watch and shoes on the conveyor belt as he is motioned to step through the metal detector. He grabs his grey tray placing his cell phone back inside his pocket, his watch on his left wrist when he can hear pandemonium. Robert ogles in Drew’s direction placing his wallet in his back pocket and now observes that Drew is visibly distraught about something in his bookbag.
TSA Agent: Sir you cannot take this on the flight!
”I need it. It’s for emotional support!”
”What’s the issue Drew?”
”Bob they won’t let me take it?”
”Take what?”
TSA Agent: This!
The agent plops a brick down on the metal table. Robert shoots Drew an angered look noticing there is now a white painted face on the brick
”Drew you can’t take a brick on a plane, secondly where in the hell did the face come from? Is this the same brick from the Ho Lee Fuk?”
”Bob the face was always there. You just didn’t see it at the buffet. It was face down!”
Drew cracks up to himself at the joke but realizes no one else is laughing
”Drew you can’t.”
”What’s the worst thing that can happen? I have to take Bilson…”
” Uh.. Let’s see you could accidentally hit someone with it! The brick has a name now?”
” Bob I chuck this fucker it won’t be an accident! I’m thinking of filling it with mercury! Its name is Bilson, by the way, Robert and he must go with me? Look at Tom Hanks, his ball helped him through some tough times true story.”
”That was a fucking movie not a documentary. I can’t believe I’m arguing over a freaking brick with a painted face on it in an airport. Look I’m going to the terminal. You figure this shit out. If you are not there by the time we get on the plane I will leave without you.
”I’ll catch up Bob. And that was real life. Tom Hanks is the man. He was in a war to Bob. Oh, and he also caught a guy making counterfeit checks….. And landed a plane in a river. The man deserves a medal for Christ sakes!”
”Those are all movies dick head!”
****Terminal****
”Dexter I am a man who is designed to find it laughable when a man like you starts whining. So, you have a brain tumor huh? Here’s a quarter, call someone who gives a shit! Would you like me and the rest of the world to just give you a pass? Want easy street? Do you want me to feel sorry for you? I don’t, I won’t I refuse! Let’s stop the sniveling like a bitch and let go of the crutch. Face the fact’s Champ your coming up with excuses. Here’s the thing a huge difference between who you are and who I am. I won’t make an excuse. If you do defeat me… I’ll admit to it. I say Dexter Bright thrash my ass. If being true to myself means, I’ll lose popularity then so be it. I refuse to sell out and conform to something I’m not. I was raised to keep my feelings, thoughts and words consistent. If I start censoring my heart what in the hell is my reason for living life? I’ve never needed anyone’s approval to validate any of my positions, I’ll never care if I am excepted either Dexter. I’ve been attacked from behind so many times now so people like you could silence my vision. Time and time again they have tried to kill me with fire, each time I’ve risen from the ashes stronger more capable than before. I don’t tire I get driven.
You are a man never moving forward, you sit there stuck in limbo. For years I was told I wasn't built for fame, each person ignored that I had something great. People have been hating on Robert Main since day one and honestly, it’s been underwhelming, I’ve become conditioned for all this abuse. I am a man wrestling with a purpose, I’m the kind of man you are not accustomed to. I’m a man who makes you nervous. I am a man who doesn’t like calm seas. Why you might ask? It takes stormy weather to make a skilled sailor. I’ve navigated my way through the XWF and not one second has been smooth sailing. I’ve always come out on the other side at times I’ve been battered beaten and bruised, but I’ve always survived. There is nothing that you can throw my way that I haven’t seen before. What I’m doing takes balls. I’m the man who will walk right out into the center of the ring and dare you to do something. Engy, I am coming to undo every single bit of work that you did. I’ve used the blood, sweat and tears of my enemies to build my brand. I’m a person that isn’t afraid of the scrutiny, I don’t run from the truth and through that there is immunity.”
Robert smiles thinking of something Dexter said about Jim Caedus
”You know Champ I listen to your promos and I keep hearing you bring up one name! Jim. You like to name drop….. A LOT! But here’s the thing nimrod, I hate to give a history lesson but, in this case, I just need to clear the air. Before you ever thought about being a wrestler on a wild night in a crack den. Back when Jim Caedus was kicking asses and taking names on one hell of a run as Television Champion. Guess who faced him? That’s right.. Me… Guess who was the first man to beat the unstoppable Jim Caedus?
Robert points to himself
”Yeah buddy that was me. So, before you get all high and mighty about beating Jimmy. Remember one thing, I was the first, number one, that was scorched Earth long before The Engineer ever got there. I did that! So, do us all a favor and just stop. I just rained on your parade! You’ve been name-dropping the man for months now. He’s gone, never coming back. Dead! It’s time to let it go. That name once meant something now it’s nothing more than a name. History. It hurts me to say that, Jim and I rode together, we were friends, and I do miss the good times. But here you are acting like the two of you were intimate lovers or some shit. Take the ghost of Jim’s dick out of your mouth Jesus! It’s nauseating. You beat Jim once I’ll give you that. The second time Dexter…. Jim beat himself, the man had a mental breakdown. So, if you want to hang your hat on beating Jim Caedus go ahead but nowadays that doesn’t mean a God Damn Thing! I beat Jim, I beat Jim. Hey everybody look at me. Hey, did I tell you I beat Jim? Shut the fuck up. Jim doesn’t deserve some jackass riding his coattails. I beat Jim too Engy but I’ve never shouted it from a rooftop hoping someone will hear it. What you need to worry about is the right now and trying to beating me!
You want the world to believe that the XWF is and has been yours. Again, who are you trying to prove this to? Me? Or yourself? You have beaten me Engy sure. You were the first and last man to pin “The Omega” to the canvas. Now here I stand once more, with an insurance policy in hand. I’m sorry that your second-grade education cannot understand what I’m saying. I do like to use big words, but soon I won’t have too. I’ll use my god given talent in the ring to get my point across when I’m clobbering you like a cheap piñata. Then you act like I’m not listening to you. I have been Engy. I’ve just been trying to come up with a way for you to listen to me. You Know dumb it down a bit. I don’t bring things you say up because it isn’t relevant to our match. You have cancer okay we get that too! It’s the rinse and repeat with you. I beat Jim! I have cancer! I’m a loser, I was a drug addict! Do I need to respond to everything that you say? That’s not my style. I don’t use others promos word by word and dissect them. I don’t need to, I can come up with my own talking points and original content all on my own. You’ll never see me cut parts of someone else’s promo and add it to mine. That’s just lazy. Thanks for the air time though. You just use word salad 98% of the time hoping anything will just stick. You can throw all the darts you’d like at me, none of them are hitting their intended target. See what you are doing here is getting out ahead of this loss. You are trying to save a legacy I’m going to dash in an instant. You want the world to know I didn’t beat you cancer did. Smart move? I don’t see it that way. I can hear it now, I was too weak, I was too weak to beat Robert Main at his best! Maybe you should get into politics. You’re just a coward unwilling to admit defeat. You need justification. I need three seconds of time.”
*****Mid Flight*****
”I can’t believe they let you on this flight with a fucking brick! A brick! I can’t even bring 4oz of shampoo and you can bring a brick!”
”I’m a good talker Bob. Plus, I said I was offended and bam right through! Oh, look our midflight meal! I’m starving!
The two watches as the food trays are sat in front of them. The airplane food must have been brainstormed by some low-grade catering school degenerate who scrapped through with a D- average, accepted by some cooperate executive who only cares about the almighty dollar. If Robert could have described in detail his food as starvation rations. The meal stared at him as he stared at it. Robert glanced over the description of the meal once more shaking his head. He looks to his left seeing Drew is again eating.
”How in the hell you eating again?
”Hungry again Bob”
*****An Hour Later*****
Drew nudges Robert with his elbow
”Bob I’m about to explode! It’s going to be a photo finish! I don’t think I can hold my mud anymore. I tried meditating! It didn’t work! God Damn Aaron Rodgers agent lied! I’m carrying low, Robert! Oh shit, I’ve got to go now!
Drew abruptly gets up holding his ass cheeks together with his hands and begins duck walking towards the bathroom. Robert watches laughing
”Told you!”
*****45 minutes’ Later*****
A line begins forming at the bathroom door. Suddenly Drew appears with a concerned look on his face sitting down next to Robert.
”They really need to work on those restrooms! I like to get a wide stance in there and give enough thrust my feet can leave the floor. I didn’t have room for it in there. I did however shat splatter the whole restroom. It looks like someone took a paintbrush dipped it in hot fudge and flung it on the walls. I now know what a woman goes through giving birth!
Robert places his hand on his head sighing then here’s a woman gagging
Woman: It smells like a fat kid ate 20 boiled eggs and took a shit in a hot pool!
Man: God it smells like someone turned on a crock pot filled it with clam chowder and a roll of dirty panties!
Man: It smells like Predator’s dreadlocks!
Drew lowers himself in his seat as Robert begins laughing
Woman: I’m going to puke! Jesus H Christ, it smells like someone ate too much Sizzler and had diarrhea in a sauna!
Drew stands up getting emotional support brick out of the overhead storage looking around noticing everyone has Mountain Dew.
”Mountain Dew?”
”That’s all they had man… Sit down!
Drew reacts like a bolt of lightning hit him in the head becoming triggered
”That’s it the Mountain Dew is what made sick. It gave me the shits. Ho Lee Fuk’s Dew gave me the trots. What if it’s all Dew Bob? These people need to stop drinking it! Before the whole plane gets the shits!
”Drew did you ever think it was all the Chinese food you kept eating? Oh, and beer? This happened last time you ate Chinese food! Sit down!
”It’s the Dew. I have to save these people from the impending doom. Imagine a flight with stink pickles laying all over the place I can’t let this happen, Bob! I have to save them!
”Drew….. God damn it Drew!
Robert sees Drew staring at his brick. Before Robert can reach out Drew throws the brick striking the flight attendant hitting her upside the head knocking her to the floor of the plane! Drew rushes over knocking the cart of beverages over screaming
”No more mother fucking Mountain Dew on this mother fucking plane!
An air marshal knocks Drew to the floor placing the taser gun to his neck. Drew continues flopping around like a fish as the marshal pulls the trigger allowing Drew to ride the lighting.
”Ugh…… Welcome back Drew!
Samuel L Jackson: Damn these white people!
*****Static*****
”You want my respect Engineer? Earn it.. I can’t force you to respect me, but I can beat your ass! Warfare your Championship run ends. Death by a Thousand Cuts! See you soon prick!