Post by Robbie Bourbon on Dec 18, 2018 23:54:59 GMT -8
Robbie Bourbon, turned into Robbie Krampus, delivered a whooping to the worst of 2018, dare some would say, the decade, some basic hope restored that come the holidays, assholes and shitheads aren't as happy as we are, because none of us are assholes nor shitheads. Hi Maddy.
Between learning about porn from Penthouse or Scatbear, we find Robbie Bourbon at a podium outside of a bordello in Australia, where prostitution is perfectly legal.
CHINLOCK TO SHINLOCK, HEAD TO TOE
A smattering of the Australian press is on hand, along with a strong international contingent of reporters, as Robbie Bourbon, outside of a closed bordello, prepares to speak.
Hello, People!
For starters, Merry Christmas!
Past that, yes, I am no longer infected with Krampus, so when I fight Donovan Blackwater, it will be the ultimate fair test, him and his powers againt a grown man.
"Now Robbie," I hear you all asking, "what do you mean you're a grown ass man?"
Well, Universe, it's pretty simple, I am a man. I totally identify as such. Maybe 3% gay, maybe 5%, who knows these days. I don't know how gay I am and don't care.
Thing is, when I sit down to pee, I do it like a man, and that's a fact, no doubt, no confusion.
When Donny Blackwater sits down to pee, it's because of daddy issues.
I bet if your father loved you you wouldn't have to wipe after pissing, ain't that right?
Or is that some imperitave you have for yourself to feel comfortable, that what is between your legs is clean enough for inspection?
Baby Blackwater and his issues, telling me about how he doesn't know where daddy is, like daddy mattered, because daddy isn't defending the Xtreme fucking Championship at Warfare.
You are.
Agains't me.
But none of that matters. Donovan Blackwater, the Blackwater Boys, Azreal, whoever the fuck wants to come down to the ring come Warfare, know this. Chinlock to shinlock, head to toe, wristlock after hammerlock, there's still the best wrestler ready to fight in the XWF today against a bunch of superpowered nothings who save the world half as many times as I do with half as much in ring talent because I save the world WRESTLING. I astonish, bewilder and captivate, and those are just the ABC's of dishing out the 123's in that Universe's ring. When I save the world, I do it by wrestling.
Not by showing off what powers I have. Never saw you pull a bus off a bridge, save a life, or stop a crisis, but let's face facts, Donny, Donny's Daddy, Donny's Brothers, and anybody else, I was probably too busy stopping crises, saving lives, and pulling busses off of bridges.
Fucking melodramatic posers keeping their toy from the hands of toddlers.
I will wreck 4 men if need be at Warfare to gain the Xtreme Championship and restore it to what it used to be.
A championship for the people, of the people, and by the people.
Because the people fucking demand it.
Your fucking throat is on notice. Daddy Az's ass is on notice. All your brothers, your aunties, your uncles, your cousins, your nieces, your nephews, the whole fucking family lineage just making up one spinal column ready to get introduced to the latest, greatest, most amazest trend in wrassin' today...
The Motherfucking Robbiebomb.
That thing down south a ways y'all don't speak of lest you get nightmares.
That thing what wrecks and wrecks and wrecks and wrecks and WRECKS AN' WRECKS AN' WRECKS AN' WRECKS.
You won't stand straight again.
You won't walk the same ever again.
And those are the psychological tolls of losing a championship.
You will continue to amaze, astonish, and be the darling in the eyes of Special Olympiads everywhere for what you can fucking accomplish in a wheelchair.
Robbie kicks the podium over, short of words but beyond expressive.